One woman’s story – they took away all the excuses!
“I came to Te Waipuna Puawai via a referral from Child, Youth and Family (CYF). I wanted to do some counseling as my daughter and I had just come out of a Refuge, but CYF couldn’t offer any counselling. Instead, they sent me to Te Waipuna Puawai. The staff here suggested that I do the Certificate in Community Skills. “We’ll look after your kids and get you there,” they promised. They took away all the excuses!
The first term was incredibly difficult. In the early days, I found it really hard to adjust to a new routine. Suddenly, I had to be somewhere once a week at a set time. I struggled to get to class on time and when I got there I found it hard to sit still for two hours. I found that gradually establishing a routine helped me to put other things in perspective. It helped me to build a weekly schedule and manage my time better. I began to make choices about how I spent my time.
Initially, I also felt very isolated. I didn’t know anyone. But getting a ride in the TWP van to and from the Centre allowed me to see where the other women lived. After a while, I was glad that I didn’t have a car because riding in the van I got to know the other women. When I was out and about, I might see a friendly face or drive past a house and think to myself: ‘I know somebody who lives there’. Occasionally, someone would drop in to my house to say hello. I went from feeling alone and isolated to feeling connected to a community. I also began to feel safer because I got to know people living close by.
I really appreciated the simple things that TWP did along the way. They’re always there for you. Staff fill out all the forms and organize appointments with WINZ to arrange the subsidy and ensure you’re getting all the available benefit entitlements. If there’s a problem, staff very quickly get on to solving it so you’re not left dwelling on the issues. They seem to put themselves in your shoes. I remember having no money to buy a Christmas present for my daughter and a member of staff turned up unexpectedly a few days before Christmas with presents. Another time, my daughter was sick and one of the Sisters dropped in to see if I needed any help. Knowing how much I appreciated these simple things, I’m no longer afraid to offer simple things to anyone else because I know they will be well appreciated.
I think the work that TWP does in the community reduces the need for government agencies. TWP can do things that government agencies cannot do. TWP helps create healthy families and strong communities by growing support among women. Staff work in a non-judgmental way, bringing together women in similar circumstances so that they can talk about what’s happening in their lives and how to make positive changes. TWP provides opportunities for women to work towards their goals by learning together in a warm environment. They encourage you to swap phone numbers with other women doing the course and to organise study groups. What you learn here is that you can talk to people without their problems draining you. You learn how to step back and set boundaries while still being about to offer support and help out friends.
I would never have done the Certificate with out the support of TWP. They knew it would benefit me and they were willing to get me started. But they don’t tell you what to do. They suggest options and respect whatever decision you make. Now people are asking me for advice!
TWP has made an amazing difference in my life; it’s changed the way I view people. I have learned to trust people and have faith in myself. I learned that there’s support out there if you need it. I am so much happier now and my family is better off. I’d like to see men receiving the kind of support I’ve received from TWP. Families and communities would be a lot happier if men had a better understanding of themselves and their relationships.
Through this journey, I’ve learned to practice patience and courage. I’ve had to let people around me see me changing my life. You can’t tell people you’re making changes; they have to see it for themselves.
For a long time, I thought I’d never finish the certificate. I presumed that other people thought the same. Over the past year my Mum has been struggling with cancer. She thought I’d never finish: ‘Anne starts things but never finishes things’. It was one of her goals to see me graduate before she died. She knows now that I can look after my daughter and she trusts me not to go off the rails again.
Doing the Certificate has opened the door of options. This is the first thing in my life that I have finished. For me, what was so important was starting and finishing something. I got a certificate that shows I completed something. I needed people to have faith that I could do it. TWP staff had faith in me. They had faith that I could finish something and that I could look after my daughter.
Now I know I can achieve one thing, I can look at the employment section in the newspaper in a different light. I can do good self talk that tells me that I can go out there and get a job or do another course. Before, I wouldn’t have known where to start, but now I can look at opportunities and options, knowing that I’m capable of taking the steps to achieve a goal I set for myself. I know I can do anything now. I can look at options and decide: ‘Yes, No, or Maybe’.
What’s on the horizon? I’m looking at options for further study through the School of Natural Therapies. I want to work towards getting a job that will enable me to help women develop a physical sense of who they are. Reflecting on my journey with TWP is like doing a refresher course on what the whole experience was all about. It is a refocusing conversation that encourages me to think about what I can achieve in the future.”
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